


The One You Feed

by somethingfullofangst (sram)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Implied Self-Harm, Love/Hate, M/M, Short Story, changki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-07-28 12:01:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16241192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sram/pseuds/somethingfullofangst
Summary: Changkyun calls the man he loves more than himself one starless midnight in late August after a rain shower has left him cold and miserable, but that is by choice.The man he loves answers on the first ring.-Love is a double-sided coin. Until it isn't anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> brief mentions of what can be considered self-harm, which if it triggers u guys like it triggered me then you probably should sue me for it.

Changkyun calls the man he loves more than himself one starless midnight in late August after a rain shower has left him cold and miserable, but that is by choice.

The man answers on the first ring, his voice comes in kind of static-y, but more natural than anything Changkyun has ever known. The man says “Well hello. Look who decided to call me after two whole weeks of being angry.” In a voice that is smooth like honey, in a tone that is used only for Changkyun.

Changkyun wants to retort to this man in sarcasm how the phone works both ways, that their anger so petty they hang around the phone just to answer on the first ring. But his shaky reply is a lot darker than their usual teasing. “I stood in the rain for half an hour waiting for lightning to strike me. It’s cold, I’m cold. So stupid. Don’t know why I did that.”

“Changkyun?” his boyfriend rustles around in the background, the sound of his keys slipping off the bedside table and crashing on the floor. “Babe? I’m on the way now, okay? This isn’t funny. I can’t… You know I can’t handle you when you’re sad.” so Changkyun tries to filter the shaking sobs in his voice so the next response sounds a lot more stable.

“Don’t come home. I’m fine-”

“You’re obviously not fine.” his boyfriend retorts, the sound of the car door slamming behind him and the engine purring to life. “Why do you always say that? Fuck, I’m coming.” before cutting the line dead.

Changkyun only says it whenever he knows he’s being too much. Says he is fine because everything that he is feeling is harder to describe than lying, harder to admit that he hates himself to someone that he loves so much more.

Calling your boyfriend back home after two weeks because you’re sad is pathetic. But loving a man that would let you go that long without checking up on you himself is even worse.

THEY FOUGHT. Again, they always fight over simple things, they fight over the air conditioning in the car on the way to work, the bills and who is going to pay more to cover them. They fight over seats at the table in Olive Garden, they fight over who will spoil the other more, over the movie they’ll see, over whose relatives houses they’ll visit for the holidays this year. But they’ve never made it to the point of one or the other moving out entirely.

The fun thing about love is that it makes you sick. Being with the person too much, being without them; there is no end to the suffering that love brings.

Changkyun sits on the steps of their downtown apartment. College girls pass him warily, press their bodies close to the walls and take the stairs two at a time, clutching their purses to their chests or smoothing their short skirts in the back with their long synthetic nails sharpened like claws and adorned with plenty jewels but no future.

Changkyun only snorts, because even if he was miraculously attracted to women one day, they’d be very far off from anything that he’d be into.

When Kihyun finally makes it up the five flights it takes to get to their apartment he is out of breath and sweaty, his shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his slacks have specks of dirt on them. “You look like you ran all the way here,” Changkyun laughs weakly, trying to cover up his surprise that he actually came. Windswept hair and all.

“Well, I- couldn’t find my car at the car park at work. Every time I pressed the alarm it sounded like it was upstairs, or downstairs. And the traffic was pretty bad heading this way so I figured why not.” Kihyun’s cheeks are hot and red, his chest rising and falling with each struggled breath.

“You ran here from work?” Changkyun rises off the stair with wide eyes and a ferociously beating heart, crashing back and forth into his ribcage like a pendulum made from glass. “Isn’t that like over twenty minutes?!”

Kihyun throws his arms around Changkyun and pulls him flush against his body, their hearts mimicking each other. “Look you didn’t call me for two weeks, didn’t even text me any of that stupid meme shit. Of course I ran all the way here in half the time it should’ve taken.” and then sighs, while adding an afterthought of: “And you say I don’t love you.”

“I heard you crank the car, idiot...” Changkyun mumbles against clean shower fresh skin, and KIhyun laughs so loud and beautifully in response.

“I uh didn’t lie about the traffic part…” And then he leads Changkyun over to their door, arms still tightly wound around Changkyun. “Now tell me about your big sad.”

Kihyun, his wonderful boyfriend of going on three years, full of heartbreak and love alike, leads him to the kitchen table and sits him down before kneeling there to undo the laces on his shoes. As he continues undressing Changkyun’s wet clothes, he doesn’t hide the distaste in his voice. “I mean it’s pretty sexy, but why?”

Changkyun shivers out of his pants, and with a loud drawn out sigh he slaps a palm on top of Kihyun’s forehead. “I can undress on my own, thanks.”

Kihyun tugs him back down on to the chair and grabs the edges of the shirt, grips it, his knuckles whitening. “Geez, I’ve seen you naked more than I’ve seen myself. All these goddamn millennials with your insecurities and image issues- you’re perfect like this, already told you that, refuse to say any of it again…” he rambles on and on like he always does, but Changkyun drowns it out with his own thoughts until they spill from his lips.

“Why do you love me?” he inquires innocently, face inches from the Kihyun who is struggling to pull his oversized wet shirt over his head. Their proximity makes it that much harder for Kihyun to hide the surprised widening of his eyes, the pursing of his lips.

“I uh, you know…” Kihyun peels the shirt off successfully. But looks even more confused with the result, the way that Changkyun’s skin is covered in deep red scratch marks starting at the hip and working its way down to the upper thighs. “Either you’re cheating on me with some freaky fuck, or you really did this to your- Chang, please tell me you didn’t do this to yourself? Why? To prove what?”

“If I say I’m cheating on you, does that spare me from having to explain?” Changkyun moves his arms to cover himself, but Kihyun gently pulls them back down and firmly says no. “Why do you love me despite all of my bullshit? I threw out that ridiculous _Lu-wee Vit-tonne_ wallet that your boss gave you because I was angry.”

“Ahh.” Kihyun smiles after hearing this, his upper lip getting caught on his teeth so it looks a little crooked. “I love you for all of the things I can’t change. Like how you pronounce Louis Vuitton, and how you throw out my most expensive things when you’re angry, only to go fish them back out of the trash, cause you double-wrapped them in plastic. Now,” Kihyun runs his fingers along the bruised map of skin, the red rivers, the peeling trails of angry flesh. “Why did you do this to yourself?”

“I just thought you didn’t love me anymore,” Changkyun breaks down in tears before he can even finish his sentence, the weight of all of his thoughts finally crushing him, “Cause you left, you, you took your things and-and didn’t even try to call me-”

“At most I took, like, a pair of pants! That doesn’t mean I don’t love you baby. I’ll always love you, that isn’t a button I can turn on and off whenever I feel like it. We needed space, sometimes it’s gonna be like that, alright?” Kihyun caresses his wet cheeks, growing wetter with tears and warmer with blush. “I’m gonna marry you one day, that’s how it is, that’s how much I love you. And if this is what it looks like when I just take a change of clothes and leave, if it hurts you so bad, I will not ever do it again.” Kihyun reassures over and over again, frantic hands fumbling to pull Changkyun’s cold naked body closer and closer, to keep him, to love him harder.

Changkyun calls the man he loves one starless midnight in August, because he loves him so much, whenever he needs saving from himself the most. He needs someone to put him back together after ripping himself apart, and KIhyun loves him just as much, that’s why he always comes back.

Changkyun must be sick. Hurting himself just to be admired, just to feel _loved_ again.

Just to see Kihyun actually hurting over his stupid actions.

To make sure that he never tries to leave again.

 

 

((

KIHYUN receives the call from his boyfriend of two and more than a half years. He answers on the first ring despite the quizzical look of his coworkers who have just started their shift with a cup of midnight Joe to help them stay awake, because it is the man he loves more than anything. The fucked up thing about love is that it still makes you sick no matter how long you believe in it.

The thing people forget to mention is that it’s easier to fall into it than it is to fall out. Kihyun grips his keys so tight that they dig into his palm and produce a trickle of blood.

Changkyun has done it again. Made him hate being in love because he hates the constant push and pull, because he hates being wrong again, because Changkyun is the type of human that makes himself detestable so he can cry about it and be pitied later. But Kihyun loves all of the wicked ways Changkyun makes him stay.

He remembers the way Changkyun’s mother leveled with him, lowered her voice, growling every word like a beast in disguise. “If you can’t handle him, you’d better leave now.”

It’s a year in by now, Kihyun has been slapped with a cutting board, he has had bottles of shampoo thrown at his head, a phone tossed into dishwater mid argument, expensive ties set aflame in a trash bin on the porch. “Why would I leave when I love him so much?” he’s able to say confidently, because it was true at that time.

Now he holds Changkyun close to his chest; ran all the way home because he was scared of the worst.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, there are two frequent numbers that he calls and texts. Changkyun with a single black heart by his name and a red rose.

The second has no name, it’s devoid of useless emojis, almost easy to overlook, but is at the top of the list anyway. Kihyun pulls it up, texts a goodnight, texts _another_ I love you in a stream of _I love you_ 's, texts a _I miss you more than anything right now_. He waits for a reply at the bottom, the unknown person immediately typing a response much to his surprise.

 

_TYPING........_

Changkyun stirs in his sleep, eyes puffy from crying, lips swollen from biting them too much. He is absolutely beautiful, but he doesn’t know this. Kihyun doesn't tell him enough. 

The message comes back.

_I love you too._  
_Make sure you call me when you get home safe!_  
_Don’t drive if the roads are still flooded from the rain, okay?_

 

Kihyun’s vision blurs as the tears spill out of his eyes, pathetic, sniffling into Changkyun’s hair, fingers gripping the phone but shaking uncontrollably. He is breaking, _breaking_. Soon he will shatter. 

He loves him more than anything.

))


	2. The Bad

KIHYUN CALLS HIS MOTHER and she answers surprisingly on what feels like it may be the very last ring, unlike most people would when they're worried about you. Her voice is sweet and low even as she's screaming, a soothing quality only a former talk show host can have. “I was just about to call you!” she yells into the phone while the sound of a never-ending chorus of city traffic plays in the background. “My finger was hovering over your picture! I saw it on Facebook today so it reminded me, your anniversary. You and Changkyun...” and then she lowers her voice like someone might be listening in, her cabby maybe. “Breaking up with him after such a long time must've hurt both of you deeply. Him more so than you."

“Yeah." he inhales a breath just to make it sound like he hasn't been crying for several hours straight already. Days maybe. “But Changkyun is… Ma I don't think I can do this.” he folds into himself, buries his face into the faux fur blanket that Changkyun always curled up in after a nice hot bath, and it smells just like him, a powdery light scented shower gel he used frequently. Really, he means it when he says he can't. “Fuck I--my language, I’m sorry but. I fucked up. Please, I can't live without..." a sob breaks through his voice and he just lets it, let's it tear up his vocal cords as it slips right out and it sounds so broken, awful, he almost pities himself.

His mother doesn't. “Oh shut up. Wasn't it your decision to begin with?” she scoffs roughly and then the sound of a zipper, a door slamming shut. She yells “Keep the change." and then the line goes dead.

A few minutes later the doorbell is ringing. She's standing outside with a pink and purple duffle bag in one hand. Hair is dyed blonde, a few gray strays still rebelliously, donning a short baby-blue dress that stops just above the line that her clear high heeled boots end--above the visible cellulite and dimpled skin on her thigh. Kihyun literally drops his keys and his jaw with it. “Mom what're you wearing?!"

“Divorce." she cracks a bone-splitting grin before tossing her duffle into Kihyun's arms, the force of which sends him tripping backward and struggling to maintain balance. What the hell is she carrying with her? Kihyun grunts and throws it to the side of the door. “Don't worry I'm not here for you. I'm waiting for my sugar daddy to pick me up.”

"Jesus you're fifty years old! He must be, like, ninety!"

"Well his body is still young enough for me.” She brushes past him into the apartment and clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth as she surveys the pathetic environment Kihyun has wrapped himself up in: a box of tissues on the couch next to Changkyun's blanket, a trash bin full of takeout food, a pile of clothes he wore to work but stripped out of at the door. “You've been single for half a week but it looks like you're in mourning.”

Kihyun rubs the sleep out of the corner of his eyes like that'll make it better, like all of the poor life decisions will disappear if he blinks hard enough. She's right. He has been a little bit extreme about this breakup. Even worse is, his mom seems angry at him for many different reasons, instead of even remotely trying to be supportive. Which brings to a light a question he doesn't dare to ask: what does she even want?

“Changkyun called. He's doing great without you.” she finally manages to mumble after glaring at him over the rim of expensive name-brand shades she shouldn't even have to wear indoors, before vehemently spitting “Not." as she rips them off her face and tosses them into her oversized purse.

“If I didn't know any better I'd say you were his mom." Kihyun mumbles back in the same manner, oddly defensive, scared that she knows what happened between them.

“I know.” and she does. Swipes her finger along the thick imprint of dust on the glass coffee table Changkyun loves so much he actually saved up to buy it instead of asking Kihyun for the money. She blows the dust away with her cherry colored lips thickly puckered out. “What I didn't know is that I raised a cheating scumbag of a son. But you know what they say; rotten apples stay close to the tree they fell from, cause rotten apples can't fucking roll.”

“That-- nobody ever says anything like that-”

He goes to protest that he is nothing like his father, but the tune of his phone ringing from where he's left it on the edge of the sofa steals both of their attention. An unknown number. Thirty-seven missed calls just this week. His mother narrows her eyes at the little red covered device. A case Changkyun picked out as a birthday gift.

“Your father cheated on me with a woman too. Guess it would've made it no better if she was a man, but at least I could've been happy knowing that he'd been fucked just as bad as he fucked me for thirty-two years of my life. Have you and Changkyun ever done anything besides missionary? What I'm saying is, have you ever made love? Cause your father never knew how to.” she drags her heels over to the sofa and grabs the phone off the smooth leather surface, Kihyun watches, but doesn't make a move to stop her. Her voice is a lot softer when she unlocks the device. “That poor baby. You didn't even have a code on here and you still managed to pull one over his eyes. He must've really… loved you.”

"How many times did he cheat on you?” Kihyun shudders out uneasily, the atmosphere of a loving mother gone the instant they started this conversation, the moment Changkyun's name was mentioned on the phone, probably dredging up bad memories from her past. “You stayed with him for over thirty years, there must've been something there besides the cheating and the bland sex I have literally never asked to hear about. Something? Anything?”

She stares at the phone for so long without blinking that her eyes gloss over with stressed tears until finally Kihyun realizes that she's just really crying after she blinks once, twice, three times and they just keep coming. “He, dare I even say this to you right now, but he loved me like no other in our youth. And I was scared of leaving, scared of having to start over because I knew there was no one else in this world that had seen me at my worst and still held me close like I was the most precious thing in their life. Because I was scared of showing all of my bads to someone new, scared of rejection when I could just stay with someone who already knew it all.” Kihyun moves to hug her, but she jabs him in the chest with her long manicured nail the same color as her dress. “Changkyun didn't leave because you cheated, or because he wanted to, Kihyun. That boy he loves you so much, so much that he wants to come back home, doesn't care what you did or who it was or how many times. He's a fool, I'll admit. But he just wants to come back to the love that he knows. Why won't you let him… Come back to you?”

Kihyun grabs her wrist to stop her repeated poking, feeling his already tired burning eyes itch with the need to cry again. Seeing her like this is one thing, but knowing that she isn't crying for herself, knowing that she's crying for the sake of the only real love her son will have despite nearly ruining it is another thing entirely. Because Changkyun is a fool, but Kihyun asked him to leave so who’s the bigger fool in this scenario. Because she's been the person that stayed until the love was all gone from the other end, though she still had lots to give.

“But-" Kihyun hiccups before throwing his arms around her, forcing her to accept the hug or be squished uncomfortably. “-If I loved him the same I wouldn't hurt him like this, would I?"

"Kihyun,” she mumbles as she struggles to get her nose out of the burying folds of his hoodie. She gasps for air when she succeeds. “You ever seen a cheating scumbag expose himself when he realized how bad it would hurt the other party when they found out? Cause your father only ever apologized about it when I'd already found most of the evidence myself. Changkyun truly didn't know what was going on, you didn't even have a reason to tell on yourself, but you did.“ she runs her fingers soothingly across his scalp and sighs in relief. “That's not something you do when you don't love a person."

“I'm sorry. Mom I'm so sorry, so so so sorry. I didn't… I didn't know what I was becoming.” He has to hunch over uncomfortably just to cry into her shoulder because even with heels on she is a good two or three inches shorter than him. She pats him gently on the back for quite a long time but then her pat's slowly turn into punches.

“Don't apologize to me. Get Changkyun over here today so you can talk it out. You'd better call this lil hussie and tell her you're done with her.” she shoves the phone between the closeness of their bodies and nudges Kihyun in the stomach with it. “Do it now so I know that you mean it!"

He pulls away from her looking absolutely ruined with snot running over his lips and tears clinging to his lashes. His face is red and blotchy, and his lips are bruised in different areas from how hard he bit down on them. “Really eomma I've been gay since the day I was born. I don't know why you think that I could switch sexualities just for the sake of ruining my relationship.”

 

_

 

WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE you let them know in various affectionate ways. Sometimes it isn't the words that leave your mouth which will best describe it, but the actions instead. Changkyun runs his fingers over the tight knitting of a scarf Kihyun bought him their first Christmas together.

He is claustrophobic in a way that having things around his neck makes him feel choked, makes him panic, but Kihyun couldn't have known any of this, judging by how torn up he was when he'd realized. Shit. Shit, he apologized with an earnest look in his eyes as he unraveled it from around Changkyun's hyperventilating throat. I didn't know baby, I'm sorry. Are you okay? You okay? The worry in his voice, the pain that he'd done something even unintentionally which hurt Changkyun. There was something there. Something deep beneath the surface for Changkyun. Someone that actually cared- after years of feeling that truly no one ever did.

But if it was all gone it was his fault anyway. If Kihyun stopped loving him in such a strong way that he'd turned his attention elsewhere then he must've done something wrong. Did he want too much? Did he hunger when Kihyun had already fed him? Was he wrong to believe that Kihyun would always be there to run fingers through his hair and sing out-of-tune to an old song on the radio until he fell asleep? He'd always imagined they'd do things like that until the day they died. But he'd never thought about life without Kihyun, not since the very first time they kissed.

That's the thing about love. Everyone tells you that you should be so lucky to have it, that some people search for years and never find exactly what they're looking for. Changkyun has always felt that he is one of the lucky ones. He thought so, at least.

What he had, what he lost...

“Kyun." his brother says defensively for the third time in that hour. “Kyun… Stop this. Stop trying to make everything your fault. He didn't cheat because of any fucking thing that you did, he cheated because he's a piece of shit and you deserve better.”

Changkyun slips the cover higher over his head to block out the noise. Hoping that he stays under too long and suffocates. “Kihyun was perfect. It won't get any better than that."

“Was baby. Was. You're speaking past-tense. That means even you know that something changed.” Hoseok leans down close to his face so that he can't ignore him, those cherry red lips like blood on snow pursed in disappointment. “Sometimes we move on, but sometimes we move in circles. If you don't get out there and try to meet someone new, you're just going to go back to him.”

Changkyun sat in his brothers bed the entire two weeks barely taking care of his hygiene, eating, or leaving the house. Where would he be if Hoseok hadn't carefully watched and forced him to still physically exist? Because without Kihyun he didn't know what could be considered living, and for that reason alone he thought it wouldn't be so bad to just die.

Changkyun could be called a fucking hexagon by his brother if it meant being able to go home and bury his nose in the warm skin of Kihyun’s chest after a nice shower. It doesn’t matter how many triangles or squares or octagons he goes in as long as Kihyun still loves him, even just a little bit.

The truth is, Changkyun is incredibly hurt. He gave Kihyun so many parts of him that he'll never be able to get back. They shared so many things together, so many memories, so many firsts. When Kihyun held him after their first time it was dark and hot and it hurt so bad he felt like he'd never want to do it again. Now he feels he'll never want to do it with anyone else.

Nobody knows the curve of his spine better than Kihyun's messy kisses.

Nobody knows he likes honey in his hot cocoa or that he dips fresh French fries in yogurt, or that despite his age he gets so excited when it snows that he just goes straight outside and plummets headfirst into it, resulting in a cold that it takes Kihyun weeks to really get rid of. And now back to the start, back to square one.

Nobody knows he sleeps with one sock on, or he brushes his teeth as frequently as he can because he likes the squeaky sound they make, almost to the point of obsessively licking over them just to hear it again (an act Kihyun dubbed annoying several times, but not in an aggressive tone, not in any way that would indicate him being tired and ready to move on from them.)

And that's why, even if Hoseok thinks he's foolish, even if Hoseok thinks he's a rectangle or a trapezoid or whatever other shapes he can imagine, he is standing at the entrance of their apartment and looking Kihyun straight in the eye. Kihyun looks as bad as he feels, his entire body echoes tiredness, even his breathing sounds like it hurts, a harsh rattling in the back of his throat.

“How are you feeling?” Kihyun asks, and it's so small and so shy as he reaches out to touch Changkyun but stops short and just drops his hand back to his side. “I'm… Thank you for coming. Don't you want to come inside? You look good.”

Changkyun doesn't fight the smile that comes to his face as he motions at the small space beside Kihyun. “I'd love to. But your body is in the way, so…”

“I never slept with him.” Kihyun blurts out finally, opting to jump straight into the hurt, because it's better to tackle it head-on than it is to swim around it. “He was… He's married, so it was just mostly over the phone, and we had dinner once, so…”

“Does that make what you did any better? Oh you didn't fuck him, but you ruined two relationships in one go, so congratulations for keeping it in your pants.” even Changkyun is shocked by the bitterness in his voice, he tries to push it down, tries to bury it under the warmth that feels his aching chest when their eyes meet. Concentrate on the sound. Listen to Kihyun breathing, almost on the verge of tears. “You just don't sound very apologetic. That's why…”

“But fuck. I am. I'm so fucking sorry you don't, you don't know, you don't know how bad it hurts me. I don't think you even know that I- I had to tell you, because I didn't want to hurt you even more if it went on for any longer than this.”

“And how long was it?”

Kihyun looks up through the choppy fringe of his bangs, his eyes glistening and full of tears. “How long was what?”

“With that guy. How long was it.”

“I think it was… Only a couple of months. I didn't really count it, because he was… Was a good guy and a better employee, I really don't know how that line became so blurred.”

As bitterly as it makes Changkyun feel, he can't help but wonder what Kihyun saw in this ‘good employee’ that he no longer saw in him. He is a complicated person but Kihyun loved him despite that all of this time. Through his awful tantrums and his self deprecating behavior, Kihyun always held his hand to soothe the pain, Kihyun always made it better, and now he is…

“What did you see in him?” Changkyun shrugs off the burden of a black leather jacket Kihyun bought him for his birthday, but he finds that despite this he doesn't feel any lighter. “If you didn't fuck him,” he tries again, because Kihyun stands speechlessly frozen in place, mouth agape, “If you didn't, then what did he have that I didn't?”

Kihyun doesn't even miss a beat, his eyes taking in every inch of skin he's able to see peeking out from underneath Changkyun’s tightly fitting character shirt. Kihyun’s attention snaps then, he breathes unsteadily. “I don't know. Really? There's no way he could ever compare to you.”

“Then what made you go to him? Fuck! Kihyun… Shit.” Changkyun slumps immediately to the ground beside Kihyun and wraps himself around the other man, his leg between Kihyun's ankles, his arms around his thighs, and this is the point where his words lose all of their strength, the point where his pain starts to show, too. “Do you love him more than me? What was so good to make you love him? How can I be… That man you fell in love with so fast?”

Kihyun’s gaze is so soft and so tender, and his voice it shakes so much. How could Changkyun not go right back to him when he says “I don't know. I don't know. Please, baby, please just let me- I can't do this. I love you so much.” just like that, with all of his hurt out in the open, with his hands shaking to hold but uncertain if he can without permission? What did Hoseok really expect him to do, if it wasn't coming right back home?

Changkyun reaches for Kihyun's hands and, in no specific amount of time, they both will heal with just one touch. It could be tomorrow, or next year, or any time after this, after that. But where can they go, if not to the person they love the most?

Every late night at work for him will make Changkyun anxious in a different way, every ignored call will make him hurt with worry, every argument they'll still say things they don't mean just to rub salt in each other's wounds. Who knows how to repair broken trust? The bond you had is gone. It's gone and you can do nearly nothing about it. 

On that broken foundation, they must be quick to build an even stronger one, because they both care too much to let it fall into ruin. 

Changkyun checks Kihyun's phone the next time a message comes in from an unknown number. It's just four words at first, then it's another three, and then it's nothing. He deletes it before Kihyun can see it. His only hope.

 

_I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY._

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is! I mulled over it for a long time. I didn't like a lot of it, but I did center it on things I have experienced firsthand so that could be majority reason why. 
> 
> the truth is not a good thing. people who are cheated on usually return to their significant other within a few days, and things will fall back into place as if they never even happened. 
> 
> I introduced slight confrontation, but not anything too deep or unpleasant for my own memories sake, haha! let's just say a man you love unconditionally cheats on you, then cries about how much he loves you, that's a hard thing to resist! 
> 
> I'm moving on from this. I did want to write the final part, "The Good" but the truth is there's really no way to make anything good out of a relationship that involved cheating or emotional manipulation. 
> 
> pst! my mom was totally like that! ruthless! 110218<3

**Author's Note:**

> actually, this was supposed to be like poetry lol (Unrelated to Changki). no lie was only supposed to be about 150 words. I have no idea why I keep letting myself down like this. also unedited because I hate myself.


End file.
